I can’t even tell you where I first heard this metaphor. But it’s perfect for an issue that is surprisingly common with weight loss. I’ll tell you the metaphor fist and then explain the connection (if I even need to).
The crabs
Once upon a time a man was walking along a beach and came across a crab fisherman. The fisherman was throwing out his net again and again trying to catch crabs. The man stopped to watch the crab fisherman and sparked a small conversation.
Behind the fisherman was a bucket with his catch thus far. There were about nine or ten crabs in his bucket. The man noticed one of the crabs start to crawl on top of the others and make its way toward the top of the bucket. Not wanting the fisherman to lose part of his catch, he alerted the fisherman that one of his crabs was about to escape. “One of your crabs is about to get out” he said. “No worries” replied the fisherman. “Why not?” asked the man. “Just watch” said the fisherman.
As the man watched the crab about ready to escape the bucket he noticed two other crabs reach up and pull it back down. The man watched this happen over and over again. Just when a particular crab was about to get out of the bucket the rest of the crabs dragged it back down, preventing an escape.
The connection
This happens in a lot of areas of life but particularly with weight loss. Someone in a peer group or family starts to improve their fitness and lose weight. Then other members of that group, either consciously or unconsciously, try to put up barriers to their success. These barriers could be in the form of negative comments, teasing or even more aggressive forms of sabotage like bringing someone a few of their favorite donuts.
This bizarre scenario plays out all of the time. It’s unfortunate but it’s just the way it is. Now the obvious question: why does this happen?
Why it happens
The first reaction is that it must be jealousy. Jealousy is an obvious answer and sometimes that’s what’s going on. People might fear that a friend who loses a bunch of weight is going to get more attention. They might also be jealous of compliments the person receives.
Think about hanging out with a friend who just lost a bunch of weight. When you two run into other people it’s likely that people will say things like “wow you look great” or “that’s awesome, how did you do it?!” You might feel left out or brushed aside.
Another reason
There is also another reason people will try to sabotage someone else’s weight loss. I believe this reason is more prevalent but much more difficult to identify. The second reason is that it changes they dynamics of the relationship.
One study concluded that if you have a friend who is obese, you are 57% more likely to be obese yourself. Huh? Why would my friend have an affect on my weight? It kind of goes to the old saying: birds of a feather flock together. You start to become like those you surround yourself with.
Imagine that one of you best friends or spouse starts making a major life change. When you go out to eat they no longer order the appetizer you two always used to split. Instead of sitting down and watching TV with you after work they go out for a jog instead. Where does that leave you? Where does that leave your relationship?
This can be frightening for people. They might be afraid that one of their most important relationships is starting to fall apart. When put in that light, it becomes more understandable as to why someone would try to hinder someone else’s weight loss.
What can you do?
I think the best way to solve this dilemma is to just be aware that it exists. Know what forces are at play and try your best to stay focused. It is hard enough to lose weight without having someone close to you trying to derail your success. But know that they might not even know what they are doing.
Having a driven mindset where you are focused on you is key. Lock into the things you need to do on a daily basis to be successful. If worse comes to worse and you do have to say something to that person then have that talk. If they can’t understand that you are doing this to better yourself and not to leave them behind, then it’s probably worth reevaluating that relationship.
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